[6] However, suppose by great chance all should agree to crave assistance in the
same affair, whether at a consult, exercise of a public trust in the government,
canvassing for preferment, entertaining guests, or the like; yet it is exceeding
hard to satisfy all. But now if they are engaged in diverse concerns at the very
same moment of time, and every one should make his particular request to you,
one to take a voyage with him, another to assist in pleading his cause, a third
to prosecute a criminal, a fourth to help in managing his trade, another to
celebrate his wedding, and another to attend a funeral,—
And the whole city's filled with incense smoke,
And songs of triumph mixt with groans resound;
I say, in this case, it is utterly impossible to answer the requests of all,
to gratify none is absurd, and to serve only one and disoblige the rest is a
thing grievous and intolerably rude;—"for no one, when he loves
a friend, will bear to be neglected." If indeed you could persuade that
inadvertency was the cause of the omission, you might more easily hope a pardon;
and to plead forgetfulness is a sort of excuse which perhaps might pass without
much angering your friend; but to allege "I could not be advocate in your
cause, being of counsel for another," or "I could not visit you in
a fever, because I was invited to a feast elsewhere," while it is thus
confessed that we neglect one friend to pay our respects to another, is so far
from extenuating the offence, that it highly aggravates it, and adds all the
jealousies of rivalry.
But commonly men overlook these and such like inconveniences of a numerous
acquaintance, and take only a prospect of its advantages, not in the least
reflecting that whoever employs many assistants in his affairs must in gratitude
repay his service to as many when they need it; and as Briareus, who with his hundred
hands was daily obliged for his bare subsistence to feed fifty stomachs, could
thrive no better than ourselves, who supply a single one with two hands, so a man
of many friends cannot boast any other privilege but that of being a slave to
many, and of sharing in all the business, cares, and disquiet that may befall
them. Nor can Euripides help him by advising that
Best suited to the state
Of mortal life are mutual friendships formed
With moderation, such as take not root
Deep in the soul, affections that with ease
May be relaxed, or closer bound at will,
that is, we may pull in and let out our friendships like a sail, as the wind
happens to blow. Let us rather, good Euripides, turn this saying of yours to enmity;
for heats and animosities ought to be moderate, and never reach the inmost recesses
of the soul; hatred, anger, complaints, and jealousies may with good reason be
readily appeased and forgotten. Therefore it is far more advisable, as Pythagoras
directs, "not to shake hands with too many," —that is, not to make many
friends,—nor to affect that popular kind of easiness which courts and embraces
every acquaintance that occurs, but carries with it on the reverse a thousand
mischiefs; among which (as was before hinted) to bear part of the same cares,
to be affected with the same sorrows, and to be embroiled in the same enterprises
and dangers with any great number of friends will be a sort of life hardly
tolerable even to the most ingenuous and generous tempers. What Chilon the wise
man remarked to one who said he had no enemies, namely, "Thou seemest
rather to have no friends," has a great deal of truth; for enmities
always keep pace and are interwoven with friendships.